The importance of your “first time”

We all know it’s a milestone, but now it seems losing your virginity might affect the way you have sex, forever…

Importance of your first time

This morning we read with terror the results of a new study that claims the way you lose your virginity will set the tone for the rest of your sexual life. Considering most people’s first time is awkward, nerve racking and pretty damn uncomfortable, this doesn’t bode well for any of us!

To discover this, psychologists studied 331 young guys and women and asked them questions including, how they lost their virginity, the emotions they associate with their deflowering, and what their sexual satisfaction is now. This study, published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, is the first to investigate if the way we lose “it” has lasting consequences. And it makes sense that your first time shapes how you view sex later, right?

The results showed that people who were emotionally and physically satisfied when they lost their virginity generally have more fulfilling sex lives than those who associate the experience with anxiety and negativity. More specifically, those who felt loved and respected by their first-time partner had more emotionally satisfying encounters later in their lives. Those who hated the whole thing, scored lower on contentment and some reported "sexual depression".

Matthew Shaffer, who led the study, suggests that your initial sexual experience can create a good or bad pattern of thought and behaviour towards sex, which in turn will set your attitude towards future experiences.

"While this study doesn't prove that a better first time makes for a better sex life in general, a person's experience of losing their virginity may set the pattern for years to come," said Shaffer.

But is it counterproductive to put so much emphasis on the first time? If the aim of the game is to make it a happy experience, shouldn’t we be trying to decrease anxiety by putting less pressure on ourselves? The message we’re taking from this is, everyone should de-stress about losing their virginity and remember that they have years and years of experiences ahead of them to perfect it, even if it wasn’t quite right the first time around.