Whips? Role play? Melted chocolate?

What’s your sexual fantasy? Emma Markezic says there’s a right way and an awkward way to bring up what you REALLY want in bed…

Woman lying on bed

Recently, over a cheeky vino, a friend admitted her boyfriend has a thing for (and I apologise for ending a sentence like this) having her pee on him during sex. I couldn’t help but make a scrunchie face. The kind you might make when you – oh, I don’t know – picture your friend naked and urinating on someone.

But, after I steeled myself and considered it a little more, I realised it probably meant they were a lot closer, sexually speaking, than most couples.

I can’t imagine it was easy for him to bring that little penchant up – and the fact she gave it a red hot go means she wants to please him.

Everyone has a sexual somethin’-something they’d like to try – whether it involves feathers, food or a scene in Fifty Shades. But how do you approach it with the person whose genitals you want involved? Here’s where my degree in Sex Linguistics and Communication comes in handy. (Not a real degree, but here are my tips nonetheless.) Be vague

Not Rihanna’s Twitter vague, but try to talk in general terms. If you get too precise too early, he’ll feel he doesn’t fit into your rigid fantasy. If you start with something general and discuss it, you can find a mutually agreeable plan and make him feel like he’s contributed to your sexy vision. People like to feel involved, especially in this scenario. So let him put his two cents in before he puts in any other body parts.

Some fantasies require a bit more prep: bone up on your kink before you, well, bone up. And depending on what you’ve decided to introduce, you might need to set down some rules, like using a safe word or phrase (may I suggest, “For the love of Cosmo!”).

Do it in public

Not the act itself (unless you want to), but broaching the topic. Introducing the idea of, say, having him dress up as a merman may seem a little daunting. What if he’s not into it? What if he runs off screaming and I’m left to pay the bill? Having the convo over dinner puts less pressure on. Instead of a “Hey, let’s try this right now and here’s a whip I prepared earlier!” scenario, it becomes more of a “So there’s this thing I’ve always been curious about,” deal.

Ask him what he’s always wanted to take a crack at. I guarantee what ensues will be very enlightening dialogue.

If it’s him bringing the taboo to the table, don’t laugh. Don’t even giggle. Laughing at anything sexual in front of a dude is likely to see his gonads shrink to the point they’ll be hard to coax out with chocolate salty treats. Instead, take a breath and think of a follow-up question; the more questions you ask, the more at ease you’ll feel.

There’s more than one way to satisfy any fantasy – so suggest an alternative you’re comfortable with trying. Remember, a mature relationship should stretch your sexual boundaries. Who doesn’t want to discover new, untapped pockets of squishy pleasure?

So tackle that taboo; grow as a person and as a couple, and have yourselves a condom-load of fun while you’re at it.