Sex

12 Products to Try if You Never Want to Give Another Blow Job Again [NSFW]

Definitely keep that suction cup inflatable head in your pocket just in case.

By Carina Hsieh
Megan Fox Lick

Whatever your reason, sometimes you just don't feel like giving a blow job. Whether you're too tired or you just brushed your teeth or because blow jobs are literally the worst (lol), try handing him one of these 12 sex toy alternatives the next time your dude asks you to go down on him.

1. This Caterpillar Sex Toy

For the uninitiated, these soft rubbery sleeves have a small hole for guys to stick their peens into and jerk off to completion into. There's usually another small hole at the other end, creating a slight vacuum so you're able to move your D around while maintaining the suction, and there's usually little nubs on the inside for ~sensation~. Because good sex is often just as mental as physical, the openings are often shaped like mouths or vaginas or anuses so you don't feel as weird for like, jerking off into a sleeve of jelly.

Was the nose really necessary?

Amante Caliente Red Hot Lover Masturbator, PINKCHERRY.com.au, $20 (International Shipping Unavailable)

2. Freaky Deaky Zombie Mouth

Those teeth! Those mouth veins! Those GUMS!

Zombie Mouth, FLESHLIGHT.com.au, $87

3. This Ambiguous Looking Pill for Your Dick

Perfect for the guy who wants his sex toys to look vaguely medical or perhaps like an objet d'art in his glass plated modern mansion, there's the Tenga Flip.

Flip Zero, TENGA, NAUGHTYBOY.com.au, $139

4. This Deep Throat Pocket Pal

What is she trying to say?

Sasha Grey UR3 Deep Throat Pocket Pal, SEXYLAND.com.au, $25

5. This Actual Blow Job Machine

With beads and improved motors for extra suck.

Autoblow2+, AUTOBLOWAUSTRALIA.com, $240

6. This Inflatable Blow Job Head

At only six bucks, this was a steal. Too bad it's been discontinued.

7. This Spring Loaded Blow Job Masturbator

Doesn't it look like those water toys they always had in your doctor's office as a kid?

Thrusting Male Masturbator, LOVEHONEY.com.au, $110

8. This Weirdly Flat Blow Job Clamp

Does it say "HEPS is rival human" or "HEPS rival is human"? Sure, maybe the flat clamp design is a little strange but hey, you gotta admire the risk they took with the design.

HEPS Male Masturbator, LOVEHONEY.com.au, $155

9. This Sporty Looking Blow Job Sleeve

Look at that ergonomic grip!

Stroke-N-Go Wet Blow Stroker, VIBRATORSTORE.com.au, $11

10. Seated Vibrating Blow Job Sex Doll

She looks terrified!

Seated Vibrating Blow Job Doll, AMAZON.com, $134 [International Shipping Unavailable]

11. This Worryingly Realistic Blow Job Sleeve

I literally never wanna see a human tongue from this side angle ever again.

Silicone Realistic Mouth Toy, U-BUY.com.au, $25

12. This 2-in-1 Blow Job Pocket and Vagina

Don't overthink the schematics of it, just enjoy it.

2-in-1 Male Masturbator, RIODONG, AMAZON.com, $31 [International Shipping Unavailable]

Via: Cosmopolitan US